To my Breathing Family and Friends,

Some of you know that I planned to be on the East Coast after Amarillo, and that I suddenly cancelled everything. I had a dream in which it was clear that I was going to Santa Barbara. I don’t get dreams like that very often, and in the morning, the same feeling/thought was still with me, so I made a few phone calls, offered some apologies, threw away my ticket to Boston, and flew to Los Angeles instead. 

I couldn’t come up with a logical explanation, and wasn’t able to justify my decision. But I’m glad that doesn’t stop me anymore. I love trusting in the mystery of life! And looking back now, the divine plan was crystal clear. And so, I’d like to tell you about my recent healing adventure. I love it when miracles happen to people around me; and I love it when they happen to me! 

I tore some ligaments in my right knee playing football on Saturday, June 21. What a gut wrenching noise it made when I twisted it, snapping and crunching something as I fell down onto it! And what jolt of ‘pain’ passed through me in that moment! 

All my knowledge in emergency medicine and all my experience in treating others with these injuries came flying into one ear. And I let them fly right on out the other ear, thank you very much! The first and funniest part of this story is that it was a little skinny kid who tripped me up, took control of the ball, and scored a goal. Basically, a ten year old girl kicked my butt! What an angel! What a gift from God! 

I knew I had done something “serious” to my body when I felt that familiar sinking feeling in the solar plexus. My leg was not meant to bend in the way it did when I came down on it. And when I tried to get up and hobble off the field, it was quite obvious that I wasn’t going to be able to stand—never mind walk. And so I found the nearest shady place in the grass and just made myself comfortable on the ground.

It was a beautiful day, one more in a long string of beautiful days. I was surrounded by a conscious and loving group of friends. Laughter and squeals of delight could be heard coming from the pool. The sun was shining. The hills above Santa Barbara were topped by puffy white clouds. An airplane was flying patterns and writing in the sky above us. The fragrance of flowers drifted in on the breezes from time to time. I could feel my whole body throbbing in synch with my knee. Someone handed me a cold beer. Life was good.

In the midst of the passing pain and nausea, I was pleasantly surprised to observe that one of the first solid feelings to arise in my consciousness was the sense of how happy I was! I was happy despite the fact that “Mr. Pain” had burst rudely onto the scene in true party crasher fashion, announcing in no uncertain terms: “I am here!” 

Every cell in my body got the message and was willing to work on my behalf. My focus changed in an instant. And in that instant, love’s voice could also be heard calling out softly like an angel from within: “I am here too my friend” And in that moment, all the “Gifts of the Goddess” came in with a “get-out-of-jail-free-card!” 

Pain definitely has the power to distract us from love and peace and joy… if we let it. Pain can cause us to forget the truth of who we are, where we came from, and why we are here… for a moment or two. But no amount of pain has the power to un-create the ocean of love and peace and joy that always exists within us and around us. In fact, freedom is never more than a conscious breath away!

From the very first moment, I was given the freedom and safety to be alone with my process. I could enjoy the day, watching everyone run and swim and play. No one made a fuss over me. No one projected anything onto me and yet everyone was open and willing to support me in any way I asked. And such a moment of sweetness came when all four dogs that were there came over to sit and lay and play near me.

I recalled the time I broke my collar bone. It was during lunch at one of my first rebirthing trainings with Leonard Orr, in Long Island New York back in 1977. I had tumbled from a tree while pretending to be a gymnast and was really hurting. I couldn’t move my shoulder, and my left clavicle had snapped and was sticking up under my chin. 

It seemed like a perfect opportunity to test the rebirthing breath as a healing method. I had heard about other people who used the breath to heal themselves, and I thought: “Why not me?” Then I made the mistake of telling the group about my intentions. I say mistake because in that moment of sharing, the pain went from bad to exponentially worse… from very severe to completely intolerable! (A problem shared is a problem doubled!)

It was the lesson of a lifetime! It felt as if everyone’s energy, their reactions, their concern, their fears, their beliefs, their advice, their good intentions, or whatever, seemed to magnify and intensify the pain in a stunning and mind altering way. I wanted to be alone. I needed to be alone. The only ‘help’ I allowed from that moment on, was from a lovely Japanese woman who made some kind of an herbal pack from her garden. The love she put into that pile of green gook was tangible.

I breathed consciously for more than 48 hours, with no food or sleep. I babied myself and affirmed the best outcome. After two weeks, I felt completely recovered and went for x-rays. The report read: “evidence of an old healed fracture of the left clavicle.” That was my first ‘rebirthing miracle’. It was proof positive that we can breathe, relax and “think” our way to better health! 

This time I didn’t share my intentions. I kept my mouth shut. And after about two hours of lying in the grass, breathing and relaxing, welcoming and surrendering to the experience, enjoying the process, and enjoying myself… the pain was no longer severe enough to prevent me from walking. My knee was very hot, quite swollen, and tender to the touch, but I was able to get up and move around.

I could get around as long as I didn’t stress my knee in any way. Something was twisted and out of place, and the joint was so unstable. My knee kept trying to bend sideways, and in other ways that it wasn’t supposed to! It felt as if it would fall apart if I made the wrong move. At one point I thought of wrapping it in an ace bandage… but that felt like a slippery slope into an old paradigm, and I wasn’t going there. This was a healing breath session, and I was committed to being in it to completion. 

I could walk as long as I was very careful not to move too quickly, and as long as I didn’t try to bend or straighten my leg, as long as I balanced my weight perfectly with each step. If I miscalculated, if I moved too quickly, or straightened my leg too much, if I didn’t place each foot carefully, or balance myself perfectly… then my knee would collapse and send a jolt of painful lightning through my body. The next few days were about slowing down. It was a lesson on being very conscious of every step I took, and every move I made.

Have you heard the Zen story of the Zen monk who was sent out into a busy market place with a bowl of water balancing on his head? There was a soldier following him around holding a sword, with orders to cut off his head if he spilled a single drop. The story was about what attitude is required in such a situation. The lesson was to be careful but not fearful, flexible but not casual, focused but not rigid, conscious of the body, conscious of the ground, conscious of the crowd, conscious of the bowl, but not thinking of the sword.

I remembered that story, and after a few minutes I began to get the hang of it. I could actually limp around pretty gracefully. I could blend into a normal crowd, and not be identified as a complete invalid! The simple act of walking became a full time exercise in mindfulness, a pure moment-to-moment meditative adventure... 

I got to practice some basic principles of breathwork. I was able to confirm again how important it is to relax the jaw, neck, shoulders, spine, pelvis… to remain soft and open. This prevents pain in one part of the body from causing contractions in other parts of the body. Relaxing around the pain gave it room to disburse. And full-body relaxation allows healing energy to flow into the wounded area. 

Sitting in the car on the way back to where I had been staying was a breeze. I could be perfectly quiet and still and take in the passing experience. When we got home, I was so happy—for many reasons—and for no reason at all! It felt especially good to get off my feet and stretch out on the air mattress. I could enjoy a full night’s rest. 

I could rest but I couldn’t sleep. There was way too much energy buzzing in me. My knee had swollen to twice its size. And I watched it morph and move and change shape, again and again. Pretty weird sight! I had no idea what to do, no idea how to fix or change or stop what was happening. The only option I had was to trust life and let my knee take care of itself. And so I just gave it space and let it be. 

It was a perfect time to finish writing my June report, and a good time to write a letter to a friend. I flooded my mind with outrageous ideas and images of ultimate human potential. I bathed my cells in the highest thoughts my heart could conceive. I wrote about physical immortality. What a great way to spend a Saturday night!

The next day we had scheduled a seminar. If I would have stopped to think about it earlier, I may have considered canceling it. But the thought never arose, and now it was too late. I was in the flow. Ten people came to discover, explore, and develop the power and potential of spiritual breathing. And I was so pleased to find that my personal trauma/drama wasn’t going to stop me from enjoying my favorite passion! 

I can’t tell you how many times over the years that I’ve felt sick or tired or lost or unmotivated or un-inspired, in the hours or days leading up to a teaching event. I would be in a car or on a plane headed to a seminar or training, without the slightest clue about what I was going to say or do. 

In those moments, I felt that I had nothing of value to share, nothing worthwhile to give. I was a fraud. And I secretly hoped that no one would show up! But they always did—show up that is—and so did I. And sure enough, all the doubt and everything with it, always disappeared the moment it was time to begin a seminar or coach a session. Sometimes it took a little while before words or actions would come. 

And a few times I rushed it because people who pay to hear you talk or pay you to do something, often get antsy when you don’t! But at some point, somehow I was always off and running; and somehow—because of what I said or did, or in spite of it—everyone benefited. (I take this recurring phenomenon to be a constant reminder of my true purpose in life.)

During the first couple of hours of this seminar, I was sitting in a comfortable chair and so I was able to continue to relax and allow my knee to heal itself. My focus was elsewhere—telling stories, answering questions, getting to know the participants… And whenever my knee came back into my awareness, I talked about what I was doing to support my healing process as it was happening.

We don’t know how to beat our heart, or circulate our blood. We don’t know how to manufacture chemicals in our brain. We don’t know how to send and receive electrical impulses to and from our nervous system. We don’t know how to operate our immune system. We don’t know how to repair our cells, tissue, or organs. But something in us knows how to do these things. Something that lives through us knows the way. 

A breathing session is an opportunity to trust this “something” and to embrace whatever experience it brings us. We can open and relax into anything that arises in the mind and body. We can breathe in a very resourceful supportive way. By simply expanding and releasing, pulling in and relaxing, opening and letting go… we can move into, through, and out of any internal situation or external circumstance! 

I got a chance to practice what I preach: non-reaction, non-resistance, and non-judgment: unconditional loving acceptance. I was catching negative or limiting thoughts before they formed, before they took up residence in my consciousness. Everything was happening by itself. I was still in the middle of the breathing session that began with the first jolt of pain 26 hours earlier. 

It really is true that we don’t have to do anything about what we feel in a breathing session: we can simply feel it. We don’t have to think anything about what happens in a breathing session: we can simply be conscious. Of course we can think or do whatever we want in a breathing session, as well as in life; but we can also choose to meet and greet everything that arises in or around us with love and appreciation. 

Everything is perfect no matter what we think. Everything is a blessing no matter how it looks. Whenever we think that we have to do something to change or fix or stop what is naturally happening, we better be doing it as a game, for the fun of it, for the love of it, otherwise we are asking for trouble. Every reaction to an event prolongs the event. Everything we “do” about a situation adds a layer of complexity to it—making it that much more difficult to unravel, resolve, or integrate the event. 

Gratitude seems to be the primary healing accelerator. Yet it rarely occurs to us to feel grateful when we are afraid, in pain, depressed, angry, or hurting in any way. In fact, it’s probably the last thing we’d tend to feel at such times. But the willingness to generate the energy of gratitude, when it’s the last thing we’d think to do, is one of the best things we can do to support our healing. It’s the best medicine.

For lunch at the seminar, we had the most delicious salad… sweet and spicy and salty vegetable delights with various textures and colors, mixed with rice and nuts and a tangy sauce. With each bite, my knee—along with everyone and everything else in the world—simply disappeared from my awareness! 

The rest of the day was spent lying on thick soft mats and big cushions in Serena’s playroom… just feeling blessed, open to all, breathing and relaxing, giving attention to one person or another. (Getting up and down was definitely an adventure!) By the end of the day, I realized that walking on tiptoes with slightly bent knees was the best way to get around. And it was actually becoming fun and easy to do so. 

It seems that the Divine Mother was running the show at every turn, in every way, on every level! Everyone in the group gave themselves and each other permission to be. They were all women, and they created such a space of freedom and love and safety. Thank you all for your part in helping to take this experience of life to the next higher level of being!

My schedule called for me to drive to Los Angeles after the Sunday seminar. It never occurred to me to change my plans or my activities. At the end of the day I was still an invalid, but feeling so light and renewed, and so when the last person left, I hoped in the car and drove down the beautiful Pacific Coast Highway to Santa Monica... 

I met with Jane from the UK. I wolfed down dinner at a Thai restaurant while she kept me entertained with lively conversation. Jane is one of those people that I wish everyone I know and love could meet! She is the cream of the crop among all the European breathworkers. She’s a great friend, student and teacher. If you ever get an opportunity to spend time with her, jump at it! (www.lovesbody.co.uk)

By midnight my body felt tired all over, and I could barely stand up in the shower… As soon as my head hit the pillow I was out like a light. I slept like a baby till 10am Monday morning. By 11am we were driving around town looking for a local branch of my bank. It felt so good to deposit the checks from the previous day’s seminar: and that money made it possible for me to pay my way to Bishkek and Moscow for the next scheduled events! 

We walked slowly along Venice Beach, taking in all the sights and smells and tastes, enjoying all the colorful shops and local characters. We sat in the grass and enjoyed all the street performers. We visited the Continuum Center. Jane teaches Continuum Movement. Later we walked out to the Santa Monica Pier. All in all, it was a full day. When it was over, Jane flew to London and I drove back to Santa Barbara.

Tuesday was really busy: 6 private sessions. Wednesday was the same. As the hours and days passed, my injured knee began to feel better than the other one! That was quite a surprise, and I realized that it was because I felt it more than the other one. So I can definitely say that “more is better,” especially when it comes to feelings, because all feelings are feelings of aliveness. And to be able to feel anything at all is an amazing miracle in itself! 

That night, I remembered the last time that I injured this knee. I was playing football that time too. It was about 12 years ago. That time I surrendered to the medical establishment and the pharmaceutical industry. I got a detailed look of the injury through an MRI. I refused their surgery, but I accepted their muscle relaxants and pain pills! I hobbled around on crutches with a high-tech leg brace for six weeks. And it took six months to fully recover. It was a useful experience. 

I also remember the first time I injured this knee. I got hit by a car as a young teenager. I had gotten a 5-speed “English Racer” for Christmas that year, and on that particular day, I was screaming down a hill intent on beating my own land speed record. I flew through an intersection right into the path of an on-coming car. (Wow! Just now as I was writing that, a little flash of pain came to my knee!) 

Through the night, I vividly remembered every detail of that day… flying through the air, over the fence and into the school yard. (Later my father measured the distance from impact to landing: 55 feet!) I remember the sight of my crumpled up bike. I remembered the nervous and upset Portuguese man who drove me home in his car. 

I remembered that my leg never really hurt, and I walked around on it for two days before ending up in the hospital, where x-rays showed that it was broken. I got a big cast put on my leg, from ankle to thigh. And I remembered how Lianne carried my books home from school because I couldn’t manage with my crutches. She was so beautiful to me! We became childhood sweethearts that summer. Such bliss! 

Where was I? Oh, by Wednesday night, I could bend and straighten my leg and rotate my knee quite a bit. Most of the swelling was gone, and the injury felt 75% better. But the real gift was still to come. On Thursday, I flew to the Baja, knowing that my beloved Mother Nature was waiting with for me. I knew in my heart that once I felt the garden under my feet, my knee would be better than ever! 

And sure enough: on Saturday the 28th, just one week after a major knee injury that would put a football player on the bench for a whole season, I was climbing around on the rocks in the arroyo, I was using my leg to work a shovel in the garden! I am still walking very consciously. And I can feel how all the other muscles and joints in my body have been adjusting and compensating.
 
Since arriving to Baja Bio Sana, I’ve been feasting on the mangos and plums that are raining from the trees here. We’ve been harvesting seeds from the “snake heart” and “arrow” gardens; and we started planting bananas. I’ve been visiting neighbors, and going back and forth to the airport. (My bags took several days to catch up to me!) 

I’ve been enjoying the sunrises and sunsets, the Baja heat and the ocean breezes. I’ve soaked in the hot springs and the cool streams! And I swam in the ocean. We’ll be planting a lot more bananas in the next week or so. And we may even manage to dig a well. I have a feeling that this month is going to fly by. All this makes me seriously happy, and I send this happiness to all of you!

May the Spirit of Breath lighten your load and guide you on your way. May it lift and sustain you through every twist and turn and bump in your road! The following song has been playing in my head and flowing from my heart since I got through the first two hours of my accident. The “you” is my knee! It’s me and you. It’s everything and everyone. It is life. It is the Divine Plan. It is the mystery! It is the present moment!

La la la la la life is wild! La la la la la love is wild! You are absolutely wild! I love you! I give to you my Heart! I love you! I give to you my heart! La la la la la life is wild! La la la la la love is wild! You are absolutely Wild! I love you! I give to you my heart. I love you! I give to you my heart! La la la la la life is wild…

I hope to see you on the breathing trail… You are invited to Russia, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Bashkortostan, Italy, Lithuania, or the Ukraine between August 1 and October 10. And you are invited to Mexico from November onward… 

PS: Be sure to watch for “What If? The Movie.” If you liked “What the Bleep” or “The Secret,” You will love “What If?” It’s schedule for release on DVD this summer.
The website is not officially up yet. But you can get a sneak peek at this URL: 
http://64.49.207.222/Articles.asp?ID=133

Signing off for now,
With love,
Dan